2 missed opportunities to De-escalate leads to tragedy. Another tragic, totally avoidable incident at a McDonald’s in Hendersonville, NC, where 2 critical opportunities to effectively and successfully De-escalate the situation were thrown away and lost.
2 women had got into a loud, verbal argument at a bus stop, and after a few moments woman #1 correctly tried to just walk away. This was the first critical moment and opportunity.
Woman #2 could have just let it go, and taken the opportunity to sit there and take some deep breaths to calm down and left on the bus to go on with her life. Instead, she was so upset, so frustrated and offended, and apparently felt like she had to “win”, had to have the last word, so she went after the other woman and the both of them got into it again inside the restaurant. The manager and staff were able to separate the women and they both left and went their separate ways. This was the second critical opportunity.
Woman #2 again could have just let it go, could have just walked away and got on the bus. She could have just taken a few minutes to collect herself, taken some deep breaths and asked herself if it was really worth it. Instead, she chose to return to the restaurant and this time get into it with the manager and staff.
During this loud, verbal argument the woman, somehow and for some reason, “touched” a male employee. The news doesn’t say if she slapped, punched, pushed or poked the employee, only that she “touched” him. Unfortunately for her, the employee pulled out a concealed weapon and shot her dead.
Did she deserve to die?? Absolutely NOT!!! BUT… She missed TWO critical moments, TWO critical opportunities to calm herself down, to not feel like she had to “win” or have the last word, to just simply let the other woman just walk away, to just let it go and get on the bus. Unfortunately her decisions put her on a collision course with a person willing to get offended enough to kill.
2 missed opportunities to De-escalate leads to tragedy. Folks, don’t let yourself get so frustrated, impatient or offended that YOU end up saying or doing something that escalates the situation, and end up getting hurt!
Long, slow deep breath, collect yourself, recognize when someone is walking away from you or when it’s time for you to walk away, and let it go. Avoid feeling like you have to “win”, or have the last word.
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Our church is putting together a Emergency Response Team and while searching for different methods of reducing the likely hood of an event escalating to a full blown traumatic event.
I came across your website and like the idea of de-escalating rather than aggressive approach to minimize a confrontation.
Will be ordering the book shortly.
Thanks for creating a source for de-escalation for those interested in a more gentle approach to a secure environment.
If I could raise the funds for an NPO to start an intervention training program for churches, would love to take your training.
Thanks again.
Hi Jeff, I apologize for responding so late! Thank you for your kind words, support, and for taking a moment to comment! Too many good people at churches seem to have a mindset that is very black and white, if A then B, but that locks them into a course of action that may be the very worse thing to say or do! Case in point is the tragic situation at the Rock church in Mississippi in April, 2023, where a church security volunteer shot a guy in the back, then ran up and kicked the victim in the head. The only thing the victim did “wrong” was to try to walk back into the church after being escorted out. There was no mention that the victim had been violent or threatened violence prior to being escorted out.
After looking up the details of the incident, I am absolutely convinced that the whole situation would have been avoided if the church security volunteer had exercised very basic conflict de-escalation techniques.